How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.
If I have to lay an egg for my country I'll do it.
We need two kinds of acquaintances one to complain to while to the others...
I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up...
Never put a sock in a toaster.
The day I made that statement about the inventing the internet I was tired...
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.
I grew up in Europe where the history comes from.
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
When the sun comes up I have morals again.
When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops...
It is easy for me to love myself but for ladies to do it is another question...
I rant therefore I am.
I don't deserve this award but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that...
Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty attic and...
When I go to a bar I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of...
My father would take me to the playground and put me on mood swings.
There's a great power in words if you don't hitch too many of them together.
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
If some persons died and others did not die death would be a terrible affliction.
