I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she...
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each...
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my...
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.
I get no respect. The way my luck is running if I was a politician I would...
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
What a dog I got his favorite bone is in my arm.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom...
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
My marriage is on the rocks again yeah my wife just broke up with her...
We sleep in separate rooms we have dinner apart we take separate vacations...
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips yet she won't...
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my...
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When...
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately...
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over there's nobody...
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Yeah I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender 'Make me a zombie.' He said...
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
My dad knows the business and he tells me I've got to do what's best for me.
