I'd say to any woman get out of that bad relationship that's turning you into a shell of your former self. Learn from it and get out. Then wait enjoy yourself and your friends because when what you want comes along you'll spot it.
As long as you smile have sparkly eyes and stick your shoulders back...
I feel an intense intimacy with those who have this loathing interest in me....
I don't mind a dirty girl. But what I find tragic is when we as women become not the subject of our own story but someone else's object.