In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up but I wasn't very good at it.
I didn't really want to live so anything that was an investment in time made me angry... but also I just felt sad. When the hopelessness is hurting you it's the fixtures and fittings that finish you off.
