Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat...
Never stay in a bad marriage and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a...
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any...
The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak...
I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a...
I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh but I had never seen...
It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit...
That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people and make sure...
I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.
I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.
If you can lie you can act and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends you can...
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded...
I don't feel I'm qualified to be a coach outside the high school level. I think I would need to do more education to really be a good coach.
