Women: You can't live with them and you can't get them to dress up in a...
He taught me never to smile which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
When I wake up in the morning I just can't get started until I've had that...
Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how...
My computer beat me at checkers but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little...
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I...
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family...
A computer once beat me at chess but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I was sleeping the other night alone thanks to the exterminator.
Sometimes in politics you think you've seen it all. Turns out I was wrong.
